Advice From The Titans
by Abreu7
Summary: The titans have decided to create an advice column! They'll take turns telling YOU what they think you should do. With a sprinkle of realism, quite a bit of comedy, and your real life problems, I bring you: Advice from the Titans!
1. The Idea

**Advice from the Titans**

**Chapter One**

The titans were sitting in the common room. Raven was reading, Starfire was cuddling Silkie, Robin was reading the Jump City Times Newspaper, and Cyborg and Beast Boy were in the middle of a video game tournament.

Robin laughed suddenly, and all the titans turned to him. "Mind sharing whats so funny?" asked Cyborg. Raven rose an eyebrow, silently asking as well.

Robin held out the newspaper. "Its this advice column. Look at the ridiculous answers." Raven picked up said newspaper and read aloud, "Dear Advice Allie, My boyfriend dumped me for my best friend. What should I do?" Raven rolled her eyes, then continued, "Dear Dumped-and-Sad, don't worry. There are other fish in the sea and you're friend is horrible to take your boyfriend. Just get some ice cream, its a girl's best friend." Raven placed the newspaper back on the table.

"Idiots." She muttered. Starfire nodded, "I see no reason to be the angry with the friend. It is not the fault of her's that the boyfriend preferred her." she agreed.

Beast Boy chimed in, "Hey. What if we started an advice column? And called it advice from the titans! Dude, it'd be AWESOME!" He exclaimed, already getting excited. Raven plopped back down and lifted up her book. Starfire was already joining Beast Boy, ecstatic. Robin crossed his arms, thinking. Cyborg had been thinking too.

Finally, Cyborg burst out. "Boo-yah! Lets do it!" Robin grinned. "Alright. Everyone's in agreement except for..." His voice trailed off, and all eyes locked on Raven. Even Silkie stopped squirming to pause and stare at her. "What?" She asked. They continued their staring. She finally sighed. "Fine." She agreed.

"Alright. I'll set up an advice website!" Cyborg piped up, already headed to his room. "I'll get an ad in the next paper." Robin announced, going to the super computer. "I shall create the colorful paper advising people to go to the site!" Starfire burst, rushing off to find her markers. Beast Boy pumped his fist in the air.

"C'mon. Admit it Rae. I had an AWESOME idea." he grinned. Raven, without glancing up from her book,replied, "Not a chance." Beast Boy deflated, his ego knocked down a few notches.

**Alright! There you have! Advice, from the titans has begun! Of course, I'll need for YOU readers to submit anything you'd like advice on. If its a tad too personal to put in the reviews, PM me. And if you'd like, I'll put you under anonymous names, too. Of course, I'll make sure to sprinkle in some actual advice that I hope will help you. Except it will be coming from our favorite group of teenage heros: the Teen Titans!**

**~Abreu7~**


	2. The First Few Questions

**Thank you, thank you! In a total of FIVE comments, I've gotten quite a few problems. As said, I WILL actually try to help with the problem, but only if its a real problem. If its not, I can ensure comedy. (Oh and Amethyst Turtle? This **_**is **_**rated K+ so I had to censor you're already sensored name. Sorry.)**

**Chapter Two**

"Hey ya'll!" Cyborg burst into the Titan common room with the mail. "We've got some ADVICE LETTERS!" He grinned.

In the common room was Robin and Starfire, watching TV together and Beast Boy playing on a handheld video game. "I'll go get Raven." The changeling cried, heading into the hall. By the time he returned with Raven in tow, Cyborg, Starfire and Robin were all on the couch looking at several colorful envelopes on the table.

Beast Boy and Raven plopped down, and now all the titans stared at the letters. "Lets open this one first." Robin said, reaching for a light lilac colored one. Pulling out the note inside, it read:

_Dear titans_

_I died 3 days ago but came back to life. How do I get my friends to stop yelling, "Zombie!" whenever I pass by?_

_Signed,_

_Not-A-Zombie_

For a moment, the titans stared at the letter. Finally, Beast Boy shrieked, "ZOMBIES! GET THE HOLY WATER!" He whipped out a comic and began lecturing, "This is JUST like in episode 26 in the Mutant series! A zombie girl..." Soon, everybody pretty much zoned him out as he kept chattering away.

On a return letter, Raven began in her slanted handwriting with her purple pen, _This is the dumbest prank ever. If you're serious-which I doubt-, stop passing by, then they won't yell. ~Raven. _She leaned back against the couch. "Done." She muttered.

Now Starfire smiled. "Now I shall write!" Saying so, she brought out her pink pen topped with a pink fuzzball and wrote in her curly handwriting, _I am sorry for you! But if it is truly so then I must advise you to get the new friends. Hopefully they do not know of your death and reincarceration and shall not yell the "Zombie". It is common in Tamaran, the reincarceration, but usually returning as a lorfhag. Good luck to you! *Starfire*_

Robin was about to say how unlikely it is and explain how its a prank to Star when Cyborg began to scrawl in his neat bold writing with his built in light blue pen. _** Yo! Dude. Not a funny joke. `Cy` **_He gave a small shrug and leaned back.

Now Robin pulled out his red pen, emblazed with a yellow "R". For a moment, the thought of returning to life made him think of Slade. He shook it off, and scribbled below Cyborg in neat hand writing. _You're kidding. This advice column is for REAL problems. -Robin _.

Suddenly, Beast Boy burst back in. He scrawled in his childish crooked handwriting, _BEGONE ZOMBIE! I'LL GET THE HOLY WATER! _In large letters writer across the bottom. He pushed the note into the envelope, fumbling slightly. Then he pushed it into the finished pile. When the other titans stared, he said "What?" and they looked away quickly. "Next!" He said, giving a toothy grin.

Now Raven gingerly picked up a plain white envelope. She unfolded it and placed the letter on the table, where everyone could read it.

_Dear Titans,_

_I'm a really bad procrastinator, and I have a book report, a bunch of notes for history, a poem with "meaning" and a project due when Winter Break is over. I'm too lazy to start half of them and I'm only halfway done with reading the book. What should I do?_

_From, _

_Procrastinating B._

They glanced at it. Beast Boy was first to write this time. He jotted down, _The book thing? Yeah. If its a movie, get that. Movie's always like the book. As for the rest, google the answers. You're off with BB! _He smiled.

Raven shook her head in disagreement. She then wrote, _Get off your lazy butt and get to work. Sitting watching TV isn't going to help you pass, nimrod. ~Raven _Starfire read what Raven put, and scribbled beneath it, with an arrow pointing to Raven's comment, _I must agree with Raven. I am sorry but you must work to pass. On my planet, you'd be called a fordlark, or 'one who is lazy'. Good-Bye! *Starfire*_

Robin scrawled beaneath Starfire's comment, and wrote _Hard work gets you every where. Finish reading the book and get to work. Look up some tips for, procrastination and maybe it'll help. -Robin_

Cyborg was thought for a minute, then put in his bold writing, _**Yo! Whenever you get lazy, think of the detention and work you'll have to make up DURING school. Get it done fast, and enjoy your vacation. **_

_**`Cy`**_

The letter was folded in placed in a returned envelope, and placed into the finish pile. They now opened the next letter, a bright pink one.

_Starfire, I need help! I have a big pimple on my cheek, what could I do about that? People make fun of me for it...Please help me, Starfire!_

_-Twilighthippie1 _

As this was directed to Starfire, the other titans backed off and let her handle it. Starfire nibbled her bottom lip, recalling episodes "Transformation" and Troq", where she had similiar problems, and finally began to write. _Dear Twilighthippie1, I thank you for choosing me. As for your troubles, I wish to help. From my own expriences, I suggest a large hat, scarf or paint of some sort to conceal the blemish. The paint you call the 'make-up' may help to shroud it. As for those who make fun of you, they are not real friends. Real friends would not make the fun of you. I hope I have helped in some way. *Starfire*_

She carefully folded it and placed it in the envelope. Another letter: to the finished pile! Robin smiled at her, then turned to the others. "One left."

They picked up the last letter, pulled it out, and laid it on the table. It read:

_Dear Teen Titans,_

_My boyfriend hasn't called me in nearly three weeks. He won't return my phone calls, and he didn't even call me on Christmas. We didn't have a fight, and nothing seemed wrong. He just stopped calling. But, other people have been talking to him, so I know he's not hurt or anything. Do you have any ideas of why he could have possibly just stopped calling and where do I go from here?_

_Thank-you,_

_crazyanimefreak15_

Raven snorted. She wrote immediately in her neat slanted style, _Get over it. If he's not doing anything but avoiding you, he must be over you already, and doesn't deserve to be worried about. _She paused, and thought for a moment. Then she added _You can try to talk to him too. You have a mouth for 2 reasons: eating and talking. Try to use the second one for something OTHER than crying about him ~Raven_

Satisfied, she leaned back on the couch, apparently done. Starfire scrawled beneath in her loops and curls _I advise you to attempt communication and perhaps find out what is wrong. Then you may fix it and everyone shall be happy again. =D *Starfire*_

Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy frowned. **(Hi! Its me, the author. Just thought I'd add here: Uh-oh. Here comes the BOY point of view.) **

Beast Boy snatched the paper and scribbled, _Ignore Star and Rae. The dude obviously needs some space. And for christmas? I bet he was either broke or too cheap to get a gift, and thats why he didn't call. But it IS wrong of him not to at least tell you its over. But no worries, I'm single. Heres my number: 555-123-4567. Call me. ^BB^ _He grinned, and handed it to Cyborg.

_**Hey! Listen, I feel bad for ya but you OBVIOUSLY need to stop and talk to him. He probably does need some SPACE. I'm sure ya'll can work it out. And, don't take the grass stain's number. He's probably even worse. `Cy` **_He wrote.

"HEY!" Beast Boy exclaimed, annoyed. Raven gave a smirk of approval at what Cyborg had written. The faint bit of a smile threatened to replace the smirk, but nobody noticed. While Cyborg and Beast Boy argued while Raven quietly watched and Star tried to restore order, Robin wrote his bit.

_Hi. I'm still new at this stuff too, but, talking would be best. Its hard for us guys to say what we feel but don't give up. We're not as hopeless as you think. -Robin _He hesitated throughout the letter, and paused several times to look at Starfire. He quickly finished it up and placed it in the finished pile.

**The end! I'd like to thank ReadingRaven019 for Zombie girl, Amethyst Turtle for Procastinating B., Twilighthippie1 for...Twilighthippie1....and Crazyanimefreak15 for...herself. And I'd like to apologize to Goldenheart11 for not using her's. It'll be first next chapter, Goldie, I PROMISE! But now, my fingers are cramped and hurt from typing so fast. .**

**~Abreu7~**


	3. Everyone's Got Problems!

**Thanks everyone! I got a flood of reviews from you all, and now I'm on top of the world! Thanks. *Cries tears of JOY***

**Chapter Three**

**Everyone's got Problems!**

Starfire burst into the common room, beaming at Robin, the only other person there. "We have recieved more of the letters!" She exclaimed, ecstatic. Robin smiles back at her, "Alright Star. I'll get the others." Saying so, he leaves to the hallway. By the time everyone is gathered up, the letters were spread all over the coffee table, some teetering off the edge.

Raven observed, "This is more than last time." She paused, "A lot more." Robin took a sharp intake of breath, then nodded in agreement. Starfire swiftly caught one that had fallen off, and was already unfolding it.

_Dear Titans_

_How do you tell a crush you like them?_

_~Goldenheart11~_

Robin gaped at the question, something he had thought of several times. So he scribbled down, _Sorry, can't help you there. -Robin. _He flushed crimson when Cyborg launched a teasing attack. "What about Starfire? She seems to know how you feel!" he taunted.

Starfire squealed happily at the thought of Robin returning her feelings. She then added in her curly writing, _Dear one with the heart that is golden, I advise you to say it bluntly. Or leave the hints. If the hints are well, he or she shall figure it out. Hope I have helped! *Starfire*_

Raven pondered the question for a moment, then wrote in her neat slanted writing, _Just say it. You've got a mouth for a reason. ~Raven _She rolled her eyes, hoping a certain green boy** (Not Captain Planet!) ** would take this approach. She had been suspecting he liked her for some time now, but she was never one to jump to conclusions.

Cyborg was next. He put an arrow leading to Raven's comment, then scrawled, _**Ditto. `Cy` **_Now Beast Boy took it. He simply scrawled, _Dude, just say it. It takes a while, but you feel better after you did. ^BB^_They put the letter away and pushed it into the finished pile. A light blue one was opened next. It read:

_Theres all these shipping wars when we all know that raven is with either speedy or aqualad (perferably aqualad) well how do we stop them?_

_Aquaven11_

Raven's face took on a light pink tinge. **(Ep. Deep Six. You may wanna watch it) **She recalled when, for a half hour episode, she had a crush on Aqualad. Not that she'd ever admit it. She wrote in her neat writing, _Comprimise is best. But I'm NOT with Speedy or Aqualad. Keep your couples out of our heads. ~Raven _

Beast Boy scribbled beneath it, _Rae isn't with Speedy or Aqualad but I bet she likes one of them. To stop the wars, just agree both couples are awesome and leave it at that. ^BB^ _He handed it to Cyborg. Cy scrawled _**Hey! I don't know if Rae likes Speedy or Aqualad, but, for once, BB's right. Agree both are cool and leave it alone. `Cy` **_Starfire took the paper next.

_Hello! I do not know if Raven is indeed with Speedy or Aqualad, but I do know how to stop the fighting. Simply talk and find a way that works well for both and therefore, no body shall be left unhappy. Good bye! *Starfire*_

Robin was last. _I hope you know your fan coupling annoys us. But, because I don't know whether Raven is with Speedy or Aqualad, I shouldn't be talking. Anyway, fighting? Over a couple? Talk it out, and comprimise. A couple isn't a big deal to argue about either. -Robin _

The letter was completed and folded away. Beast Boy picked the next one, a pretty yellow one decorated with small fairies.

_Dear Teen Titans,_

_I am a girl in high school with really bad gas. What can I do?_

_Sincerely,_

_Beans-Are-The-Enemy_

Beast Boy was the very first to answer. _What up? As a vegan, this is a prob for me too. Don't worry, 'cause here are a few tips: Pine freshener in the pocket works great, _He paused as Cyborg yelled at him, "Thats where are all the T-car's car fresheners have gone!" He sweatdropped and continued. _Another thing, blame the closest person next to you. And lastly, dont even mention it if somebody else doesn't. Or else you'll say something stupid and everyone will be like, "What is she talking about"? Hope I helped ya! ^BB^_

Raven snatched the paper away and wrote _Don't listen to Beast Boy. Pine freshener is NOT going to help. Its just gas, and everyone gets it. Whenever somebody's about to taunt you about it, just tell them that. I'm sure everybody has had gas at some point in their life. ~Raven _She rolled her eyes at Beast Boy, as if silently saying, "You are such an idiot."

Starfire took it next. She thought about it and then jotted down _Hello! I wish I could be of assistance but Earth ways are still strange to me. I do not understand how one could tease another about something they all recieve. As Raven has said, please remind them of this. As to stop the 'gas', may I suggest eating foods that will not effect the stomach into creating the 'gas'? As you have said, the beans are bad. *Starfire*_

Cyborg took it, and scrawled. _**Take my advice. Stay AWAY from the beans, and the mystery meat. It ain't a mystery that it isn't really meat. `Cy ` **_Robin thought about it, and realized he never had bad gas problems, so he scribbled, _Sorry, can't help you there. -Robin _The letter was folded and put away.

The sun had gone down and the titans were tired, they decided to tackle the rest of the letters tomorrow.

**HEY! Sorry I took so long, but you gave me so many questions and so much material! I have enough for about two more chapters! Thanks, and happy 2010! (Yep, 2010, one year closer to our own death, aging and end of the world! TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!)**

**~Abreu7~**


End file.
